


zero

by lyingleia



Category: Haikyuu!!, a bit of xxHolic
Genre: Alternate Universe - Supernatural Elements, Death in general, Discussion of Death, Gender fluid! Hinata, KageHina - Freeform, M/M, OH LOOK ANOTHER AU, Tobio is still a dumb dumb with his feelings, aka that psychic au that nobody wanted, hinata is still fucking adorable, i'll add tags as i go, karasuno is still a group of BAMFs
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-04-16
Updated: 2015-04-16
Packaged: 2018-03-23 06:08:15
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,025
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3757348
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lyingleia/pseuds/lyingleia
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p><em>You’re a blessed child, Tobio</em> he remembers his grandpa telling him.<br/> <br/><em>Why?</em> he remembers asking all those years ago.</p><p><em>Why</em>? Tobio thought to himself dimly, trapped in a sea of tubes and wires and medical personnel trying to keep his lungs from collapsing. His head was fuzzy and he could feel the surgeon slicing through his chest, the breathing mask digging somewhat in his cheeks, the numbness from the tips of his fingers to the points of his toes. His eyes were heavy and his throat dry. There were too many people surrounding him. Someone started carding through his hair gently, comfortingly. He looked up, forcing his eyes open against the glaring lights but all he could see was a pair of smiling eyes crinkling at the corners.</p><p><em>You have a guardian angel who watches over you, </em>the old man had answered, hand warm on top of his head.</p><p>He fell back to sleep and saw <em>brownbrownbrown</em> in his dreams.</p><p>***</p><p>In which Kageyama Tobio's gifts extend outside volleyball, the dead don't stay dead, Hinata is still a pain in the ass, and no, Tobio definitely does not have a crush on them.<br/> </p>
            </blockquote>





	zero

**Author's Note:**

> Hoo boy. Here we go again. Many thanks to [hevilyshui-r](http://hevilyshui-r.tumblr.com/) for the beta. This fic would've had a lot of typos and random tense changes without you <3
> 
> Enjoy!

_The lost children's footsteps disappeared_  
Leaving in their stead a song of prayer  
It will turn into a flame  
That will light a path for the ones who will come after

***

 

00:05:45

 

Tobio was having a bad day.

Well, he really shouldn’t be complaining since this was a regular occurrence and therefore _should not be a big deal_ , but he was really not in the mood to deal with any trouble today. Practice had been hard yesterday, mostly because he couldn’t get along with his dick of a teammate and hated working with him. He blamed his grandmother’s ancestors for fucking up so badly in their jobs that _he_ had to deal with the consequences and hey, maybe he blamed his grandmother too because why not, it was _her_ blood that made him such a tasty prey for one of the nastiest,  weirdest ball black of slime to exist.  It was harassing him again, just like it had done every day for the past few years.

**_Squish, squish, squish, growl._ **

It sounded way nearer behind him than he thought and he’d already been running for the past few minutes. He didn’t dare to look behind him, because he already learned what a bad idea it was early on. He ignored the weird looks he was getting and rooted around his bag for the pack of rock salt his grandmother had given him earlier and swore under his breath when he couldn’t find it. How could he have forgotten it?! He remembered putting it in his bag like usual, even checking it again before he went out the door.  Did he drop it somewhere?!

00:02:17

Still swearing, he turned around the corner and weaved past the busy street, expertly avoiding colliding with other people. To top it all off, he was late! He’d run past his station a few minutes earlier and couldn’t turn around with the monster at his heels.

It was his first week in high school, dammit! A new start! Why couldn’t he catch a break?

Seeing the intersection ahead and the already flashing green pedestrian sign, he heaved a deep breath and sped up, managing to cross halfway until he felt something catch onto his foot and refuse to let go.

“Shit.”

00:00:00

  _Third._

***

 

00:23:45

It was summer when his grandfather died, leaving behind a grieving family of three; his wife, his already widowed daughter-in-law and his sole grandson. Tobio was eight, still too young to really understand what had happened beyond _grandpa’s gone and he won’t be coming back again, sweetie_.

He looked at the many faces around him, at their somber expressions, and at his mother and grandmother. Their faces were crumpled and streaked with tears, eyes red and puffy; his mother’s hands were shaking from where they were wound around his shoulders.

‘ _Why is it so quiet?_ ’ he wanted to ask. Their house was never quiet. His mother always sang, his grandmother always talked (nagged) and his grandfather always laughed. The house never had a reason to be quiet.

It was never going to be the same again.

Upset, he struggled out of his mother’s hold and ran outside, ignoring her call and making sure to stomp his foot with every step.

Their back yard was a forest and in the middle of it was a large tree. It was taller than their house, taller than other trees around; its branches were long and thick with age, its leaves dense enough to serve as cover from the heat for when he practiced volleyball in the summer and from the rain during the monsoon season.

00:15:53

He saw something under it but it was too far away to tell. Curious, he walked closer, fighting against the sudden wind pushing him back towards home. It made his eyes water and he rubbed them, irritated. He blinked and—

_First._

***

 

00:43:36

“You’re very lucky, Tobio, to have the gods favour you so.” Sumiko, his grandmother, suddenly said as she drank her morning cup of tea. The sound of children playing outside suddenly ceased.

He glanced at her, slowing his chewing and wondering what she was trying to say. They had many variations of the same conversation over the years, usually beginning with that same statement. He’d never understood why she was so cryptic when they did, saying things he found too vague and confusing to comprehend. And he’d never agreed. The gods _hated_ him, more like it. Why else would he be screwed over and over by the nasty shit that always followed him everywhere?

When she didn’t elaborate immediately, Tobio scooped up some more rice and resumed eating, figuring she’d continue regardless if she thought he was paying attention or not.

“You know, I wanted to have your name changed to reflect your good luck, but your mother didn’t want to,” she continued and he settled in for the familiar monologue with a resigned slump of his shoulders. “She said your father picked it for you—but I wonder if it wasn’t _hitsuzen_.”

Fate. Destiny. Sumiko’s favorite subject. Well, seeing as she was a priestess, it made sense. But still, wasn’t she tired of the same conversation over and over again?

He sighed and put down his empty bowl and chopsticks. He stood up and brought them over to the sink. He said over his shoulder as he rinsed them,

“Grandma, it doesn’t matter, does it? My name is my name, whether or not _hitsuzen_ had anything to do with it.”

He closed the tap and picked up his bag from where it was hanging on the back of the chair, shouldering it. He bent over for the customary pat on his head his grandmother gave him every day. He straightened up just as she said, eyes stern,

“Oh, but it does matter, Tobio. Names have _meanings_. That’s why it’s important to not give them just to anybody. You haven’t done that again, have you, boy?”

“What do you mean ‘again’?” he asked indignantly. He didn’t recall ever giving his name away just to anyone.

But that didn’t mean anything, did it?

“Answer me, boy!”

Inwardly rolling his eyes, he shook his head.

“Good. Do you have your pack of salt with you?”

“Yes, grandma.” He patted his bag. “I have to go.” 

“Don’t dally coming home! I don’t even know why you still continue with your volleyball nonsense when we all know you’ll inherit the shrine—”

With one last exasperated sigh directed at his grandmother, he left.

**_Growl. Squish, squish._**

 

_***_

_>_  

 _>_  

 _>_  

 _>_  

<<rewind

 

***

 

93:19:50

It was already pretty late and practice had ended an hour ago, but Tobio decided to stay a bit longer to practice his serves. There were no students left and the patrol teacher could kick him out soon, so he had to get done quickly. He closed his eyes, seeing Oikawa’s form executing a perfect serve in his mind. Taking a deep breath, he gathered momentum and jumped, spiking the ball as hard as he could. He watched, heart in his throat, as it went soaring through the air only to suddenly drop down at the net and on to the floor, rolling away.

“Tch.”

Biting his lip in frustration, he went to get another ball to try again.

“What am I doing wrong?” he asked himself, staring down at the ball in his hand, analyzing his previous movements.

“You’re jumping too high.”

His head snapped up in surprise, almost dropping the ball, and saw a familiar old man sitting by the benches. The old man waved at him, frail gnarled hands looking floppy as he did.

“Atsushi-san,” he exclaimed, calming his heartbeat. “It’s good to see you.”

Atsushi smiled, his kind face crinkling with mirth. Tobio blinked away the haziness in his eyes and straightened up.

“Kageyama-kun, we haven’t seen each other in months, have we? It’s good to see you still working so hard.”

“Ah, yes.” Tobio replied awkwardly, averting his eyes to the net.  “I need to be better to catch up to Oikawa-senpai.”

The old man nodded approvingly, smile stretching into a grin.

“Good, good. An athlete should always work hard to achieve his full potential. Now, let me see that form again and I’ll tell you what you need to change.”

“Osu.”

When he served and it went perfectly, he gave the old man a can of his favorite juice as thanks.

 

***

465:40:17

 

Tobio.

Tobio.

_Tobio._

**Tobio.**

_**Tobio.** _

 

***

 

465:40:12

Tobio felt the familiar tug and looked around the crowded street.  He saw a little girl looking at him by the bus stop, eyes round, clutching a stuffed bear to her chest. There were tear tracks on her face and her pants were dirty around her knees. When she saw him looking back at her, she reached out a small hand and whimpered,

“Onii-chan, please help me.”

Worried, he swiftly walked towards her and kneeled. He took out his handkerchief from his pocket and wiped the tears away as he asked, voice gruff,

“What’s your name?”

“M-Maigo.”

He froze for a moment, then looked around at the stream of people behind him. Some people looked back at him curiously, but otherwise he seemed to be largely ignored. Sighing, he turned back to the girl and summoned his best smile in an attempt to comfort her.

Her eyes welled up with tears again.

Ah, shit. He kept forgetting that people, for some reason, didn’t like his smile. This applied doubly on little kids. He frantically rearranged his expression to a more neutral one.

“A-ah, what happened? Are you lost?” He hurried to ask, panicking at the thought of dealing with a sobbing little girl.

Maigo nodded, sniffing.

“Mama—mama—I can’t find my mama. A bad man told me he had candy and then he told me to get in his car and it was really scary  and I just wanted to home but he—he—and—and now I can’t find her.” She said somewhat incoherently, bravely holding back her tears now. She turned big, wide eyes towards him, sad and pleading.  “Please help me find my mama, onii-chan.”

Helpless to the power of innocent little girls, Tobio agreed.

“Where did you last see her? She might still be there.” he asked as he offered his back for a piggyback ride.

“The park! We were there for the duckies!”

“Okay. Hold on tight.”

 

***

 

00:01:59

“What’s your name?

“Tobio. Kageyama Tobio.”

 

***

 

465:10:22

They got to the park just as the sun was setting. There were a few people here and there but it was mostly empty. Maigo directed him to the small lake and he followed dutifully, wondering if they would even be able to see her mother this late in the day. If at all.

To his surprise, there was a lone woman sitting on a bench a few yards away, overlooking the entirety of the lake. Maigo started squirming to get down and he carefully let her go. She started calling out for her mother as she ran towards her.

“Mama!!!”

The woman looked around.

_Ring, ring, ring._

He jumped in surprise and got his phone out of his pocket, wincing when he saw that it was his grandmother. Knowing what it was about, he immediately started walking with one last glance towards Maigo, now clutching her mother’s skirt as she waved goodbye to him. He waved back, forcing a smile, and her mother stared at him, wide eyes the same grey as her daughter’s. He pressed the call button and endured his grandmother’s nagging somewhat patiently.

“Tobio! What do you think you’re doing out so late at night?! How many times have I told you to come straight home after practice?!”

“But grandma—”

“Was it one of them again?! Haven’t I told you time and time again—”

“Grandma, no—It’s not—” he tried to butt in, but as usual, his grandmother’s barrage cut him off.

“You come straight home, boy! Don’t make me come get you!”

He sighed.

“Yes, ma’am.”

 

***

 

\--:--:--

 

_“..wake up.”_

 

***

 

> 

> 

_ >play _

 

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

 

His head _hurt_.

Okay, scratch that. His _everything_ hurt.

“Stop whining, boy! Didn’t I tell you to bring your rock salt with you?! Now look at what happened!”

“Mother! Stop nagging him for a moment, please! Tobio needs his rest!”

“Tobio needs an ear pulling, you mean! Akiko, stop spoiling the boy and let me teach him a thing or two!”

“ _Mother!_ ”

Tobio groaned, shielding his eyes. _Fucking lights, man._

“Tobio? Sweetie, how do you feel?” his mother’s voice asked from somewhere in his right.

“Like he’d been run over by a truck, no doubt!” his grandmother harrumphed to his left.

“Do you know where you are right now, baby?”

“H-hospital?” he guessed, voice sore. Only hospitals had such obnoxious lighting. Seriously, who thought it was a good idea to have such bright lighting in a place where people woke up all disoriented and confused? Didn’t they know it actually hurt to wake up and be blinded all of a sudden?

“Damn right! Boy, what have I told you about always carrying your pack of salt with you?! Do you enjoy causing your mother and I grief?!!” Sumiko scolded, apparently unable to hold it in anymore. He winced.

“Mother, please! Not now!” Akiko countered, hovering over him protectively.

“Akiko—”

“I had it with me.” Tobio cut in hastily, not willing to hear them argue again. They looked at him, surprised. “I had the salt with me,” he repeated, struggling to sit up. His mother immediately helped him up, gently smoothing his hair back. “I checked before I left the house. It was in my bag.”

“But if that’s the case, then why…” Akiko trailed off at her mother’s expression.

“Tobio, tell me the truth. Have you been having flashes lately? Headaches?” Sumiko asked him, voice urgent.

He frowned, trying to remember.

“No…not recently, at least.”

His grandmother’s expression turned darker. Tobio felt a sense of unease creeping up his body.

_Am I missing something?_

“Mother?” Akiko called out as Sumiko swiftly stood up and gathered her bag and cane. “Mother, what’s going on?”

“I need to go and check something. Don’t leave Tobio alone for now.” was all his grandmother said before walking out of the room.

“Mom, what’s happening?” he asked, just in case she had any idea. He hadn’t liked what he’d seen in his grandmother’s eyes just before she left.

_Is grandma actually…afraid?_

She turned back to him.

“I-I don’t know.”

The unease turned into full blown fear.

 

***

 

2199:45:19

Karasuno’s captain looked like the dependable type, as did the vice-captain. They were both looking at him critically after being amazed that the _King of the Court_ ( **tch** ) had decided to attend the relatively unknown Karasuno High School. The other upperclassman, Tanaka, was sneering at him, completely unimpressed at his title and another (unknown) perceived slight. Tobio let it all pass over his head as he looked around the court, feeling a sense of rightness well up in his chest. Weird, but whatever. There were more important things to worry about, like the upcoming Interhigh.

He grinned, excited. The upperclassmen blanched.

“A-ah, so Kageyama!” the vice captain, Sugawara, started, smiling awkwardly. “What made you decide to attend Karasuno instead of the other top schools in the prefecture?”

“That’s right. You’re a pretty talented setter, and you’re from Kitagawa Daichi as well! I’m surprised you didn’t go to Aobajousai. Your old team mates are bound to be there.” The captain, Sawamura, quipped.

“I didn’t get an invitation to Shiratorizawa and I didn’t pass their entrance test so I couldn’t go.  And my teammates don’t want anything to do with me.” He replied bluntly, surprising them.

He saw them shuffle awkwardly, no doubt aware of what had happened between him and his former teammates. Well, he saw no reason to tiptoe around it.

“Why Karasuno, then?” Tanaka asked suddenly after a moment of silence, making them all jump.

He shrugged.

“I've heard that Coach Ukai was returning.”

Sugawara made a noise of understanding, giving him a pitying look when he raised an eyebrow questioningly.

“Ah, about that. Coach Ukai _was_ planning to come back, but due to health reasons he can’t now.”

Disappointment bloomed in his chest and Tobio scowled, mood souring.

_What am I supposed to do now, then?_

Sawamura patted his shoulder consolingly, tone oddly paternal as he said,

“Well, you’re here now! Might as well stay and join the team. We could use the new blood!”

Backing up a few steps, he narrowed his eyes at the other boy warily.

“What did you mean by that?”

All three upperclassmen blinked at him.

“Excuse me, is this the volleyball club?” a voice asked from behind them, snapping them out of the weird moment.

Sugawara perked up.

“Ah, yes! Are you here to join?”

Curious, Tobio turned around.

 

***

 

00:00:01

_“…sorry.”_

 

***

 

383:12:04

 

Tobio had a memory full of blank haziness.

Growing up, there were times where he tried to recall a particular memory, only to come up with nothing, accompanied by a niggling feeling of something… _wrong_. Like he wasn’t supposed to remember, only he did, it was just hidden further in his mind than any other memory, far but not completely inaccessible.  Like something was blocking it. He could feel them lurking in the back of his brain and it always drove him crazy not knowing what they were. The only thing that he knew was that they were important.

_But what could they be?_

He’d tried asking his grandmother about it, only to have his ear pulled for _asking nonsense_. Asking his mother was another trial, since she only gave him a sad smile and said it wasn’t something he should worry about.

But he _was_ worried. It wasn’t normal to have so many forgotten memories, was it?

He turned to Yuuko, sprawled out on the foyer, smoking her customary cigarette as she watched him practice. She was in one of her heavy, traditional kimonos, a beautiful dark red of silk and white flowers. He had asked her as well, but she’d only given him her usual knowing smirks and refused to say anything. She raised a dark eyebrow at his sudden attention on her, eyes a weird mix of amber and maroon. He could hear his mother singing as she hung their clothes and his dad a few feet away, watching her.

“What?”

“I want to remember.”

She gave him a slow smile.

“You will.”

 

***

 

2199:45:14

 

“My name is Tsukishima Kei from class 1-A. Nice to meet you.”

The guy had a snotty look in his face, nose turned up arrogantly and eyes in a subtle sneer. He was blond, wore glasses and was approximately 189 centimeters tall.

Tobio hated him.

“Welcome to the club!” Sugawara said warmly, clapping his hands.

Tanaka had shifted his glare to the new arrival, visibly measuring him up. Sawamura patted him on the back, unsubtly restraining him. Tsukishima seemed to be very bored.

_What an irritating guy._

He blinked and noticed another guy standing by the open doors, looking at them. He glanced at the others and found them busy talking to each other. Frowning, he turned back to the guy and found that he was staring back at him. The guy blinked, surprised, and hesitantly waved a hand. Tobio narrowed his eyes.

Sighing, he walked up to the guy and crossed his arms as he stared him down. He was a pretty average looking guy, with freckles and an awkward haircut. He didn’t seem to have any threatening bones in his body, and Tobio didn’t feel any weird vibes around him so he relaxed. The guy seemed even more surprised at his attention, mouth agape and hand hanging awkwardly in the air.

“What is it?” he asked wearily. He really wasn’t in the mood for this shit.

“I—I’m—what? You—” the guy stammered.

“What’s your name?” Tobio asked, not willing to go through the whole charade when he had practice to do.

“Ah—Yamaguchi. Yamaguchi Tadashi.”

“What do you need?”

Yamaguchi stared at him, uncomprehending. He tsked , impatient.

“I—what? I don’t—”

“You’re here. That means you need something.”  Or at least, that’s what it always meant, when they came to him.

“I—no. I don’t need anything.” Yamaguchi replied, sounding calmer now.

“Really?” Tobio asked, dubious.

Yamaguchi nodded.

Shrugging, he went back to the others, ignoring their questioning glances, and picked up a ball.

_Well, that was a first._

 

***

 

It was already past 7pm and practice had only ended after a day full of frustration. Tobio didn’t know how he’d last three years of being forced to interact with Tsukishima on a daily basis (and not kill the bastard) and not being able to fully control the game like he wanted to because he didn’t want a repeat of his middle school experience.

The future was looking bleaker and bleaker for one Kageyama Tobio.

The upperclassmen stopped in front of the convenience store ahead of him and he debated joining them, wondering if his presence would be welcomed for a moment before the decision was taken out of his hands by the captain beckoning him over. Feeling awkward, he went to join them and was surprised by Sawamura offering him a bag of hot buns. Tobio is once again baffled, because who knew there were senpais who were genuinely nice and actually cared about their kouhais? His middle school senpais certainly weren’t.

Tobio suppressed a shudder at the thought of Oikawa being _nice_.

_Nope. Impossible. Never happening._

“Is there any pork left?” he asked after thanking him tentatively. Sawamura nodded, digging into his own bun.

“Where’s Tsukishima?” Sugawara asked, blowing on his hot buns before taking a small bite.

“Dunno. He left pretty quickly after we cleaned up.” Ennoshita, a second year, quipped.

Tobio blinked, remembering seeing Tsukishima leaving and Yamaguchi following after him like a chick. He knew he was bound to find out what the deal between them was about soon enough because he _always_ did, so he didn’t bother saying anything to the others.

They started walking home, Tobio distancing himself from their talking to look at the bevy of crows perched on the electrical posts. He narrowed his eyes at them, gripping the pack of salt rock on his pocket, feeling them staring back at him in return. He’d been seeing a lot of crows around lately, even more than usual, and he didn’t know what it meant. His instincts told him that _something_ was about to happen, soon. What that something was continued to be a mystery.

There was a light tap on his shoulder and he turned to look at Sugawara, who was looking at him curiously.

“Uh, what is it, senpai?” he asked politely.

Sugawara gave him a small smile.

“I was asking you how you got into volleyball in the first place. You started pretty early, right?”

Tobio blinked.

“A-ah, yes. I was around eight years old, I think.”

“Hmm, that is pretty young! I didn’t start until I got into middle school, and that was only because I was curious, haha.” Sugawara said, voice tinged with nostalgia.

Tobio glanced at the others ahead of them. They didn’t seem to be paying the two of them any attention and were absorbed in their own conversations. He wondered what Sugawara wanted. Was he scoping up his competition? They were both setters after all. Tobio knew he would feel threatened himself if a first year who was thought to be a prodigy suddenly showed up in his team while he’d been the team setter for years. He looked back at the upperclassman. He was still smiling at Tobio, appearing to be completely friendly.

Tobio frowned.

“So, how did you get into volleyball?” Sugawara asked again. “Was it because of your dad or maybe your brother?”

He opened his mouth to answer, but paused when he realized he didn’t have an answer. How _did_ he get into volleyball? He was pretty sure his grandpa hadn’t played it since he was already pretty old before he’d died, and his dad had been dead long before he was even five years old. He couldn’t recall any neighborhood kids playing volleyball, and even if they had, he hadn’t played with any of them growing up. He had no cousins, his parents both being single children, and no playmates, since his parents were also a bit of loners like him.

Where did he learn how to play?

He remembered waking up and Yuuko talking and giving him his first volleyball, saying someone had her give it to him and tell him that he needed to play volleyball. And— _nothing_.

Tobio scowled, racking his brain for a glimpse of an answer, a memory that could tell him how he started playing a sport that as far as he knew, had no presence in his life before he suddenly started playing it at elementary school after meeting Yuuko, knowing even then how to hold it properly at the first touch, how to serve and spike and receive and _toss_. Was it part of his forgotten memories? How could he forget such an important part of his childhood?

 He gasped as his brain _spasmed,_ short circuiting for a moment— _a cloudless blue sky, leaves rustling, the wind in his face, bright tinkling laughter, brown brown brown_ —before a  sudden pain in his head had him doubling over on his knees, clutching his head in his hands. He could hear the others crowding around him, calling his name frantically, hands gripping his shoulders, but they sounded muffled and distant and a _voice_ , words spoken in his head, rushing by so fast he couldn’t—

_I’vebeenwaitingforyou_

_Comeplaywithme_

_I’vebeensolonelywithoutyou_

_Don’tforgetaboutme_

_I’llseeyou_

_Soon_

_Tobio_

 

***

 

> 

> 

>pause

 

***

 

\--:--:--

 

The sky was a bright burning red.

Tobio stared at it for a few moments, letting the throbbing in his head settle down before eventually sitting up. He looked around. It was the forest area serving as their backyard. He hadn’t gone to it in years, not since his grandpa had died, hadn’t felt the need to go when the old man wasn’t there for him to drag back home. His grandpa always spent several hours just walking around the area and touching the trees, as if saying hello to old friends.

 _Sentimental old fool_ , his grandma would say when the man was brought up, always with a nostalgic twist in her lips.

The forest hasn’t changed, it seemed, from the last time he’d visited.   The trees were still the same and even the grass didn’t seem to have grown taller. He could hear animals doing their business, the occasional bird twittering up in the trees. Mystified, he stood up, stretching his arms and yawning. How long had he been asleep? He looked up at the sky again, wondering what time it was. He was so going to get another earful from his grandma when he got home if it was as late as he thought it was.

He startled when there was a rustle from the bush in front of him. As far as he knew, they only had small animals living in the forest so it might have been only a squirrel. Just as he was debating whether or not to check it out, there was a flash of _something_ in the corner of his eye. Now wary, he turned and noticed the path leading to the big old tree he used to find his grandpa lounging under on. He hesitated, feeling the current of that same _something_ pulling him towards the tree, compelling him to go. His instincts weren’t raising any alarms so with an inward shrug, he went.

He stretched out his senses, feeling for anything weird, and got nothing but the hum of anticipation in the air. The clump of trees started clearing out and revealed the same clearing he used to play in as a kid. Flowers were scattered here and there and the grass was shorter than he remembered, proof that he wasn’t stuck in a memory or a dream, something that had happened to him a few times after helping out around the town. The old tree, though, was still as big as ever. Curious, Tobio walked towards it, the tugging feeling becoming stronger.

There was a person standing underneath the tree, surrounded by what looked to be crows, up in the trees and others flying in circles around them. There was one perched on their shoulder, cawing loudly at the others.

Tobio stopped in his tracks. The stranger was shorter than him and was dressed weirdly, a big black cloak obscuring their whole figure, not lending him any clues as to whether they were a man or a woman. It looked to be the heavy duty kind and really old, like the ones he’d seen used in Western medieval movies. The hood was up.

Eyes narrowed, he reached into his pants pocket and fished out the extra pack of salt he’d been carrying since his last accident. Gripping it in his hand, he called out.

“Hey!”

There was a sudden gust of wind, and the crows scattered, flying away with aggravated caws, black feathers left in their wake. The stranger’s hood slid down, long hair tumbling out from its prison just as they whirled around to face him.

_browbrownbrown_

 

***

 

\--:--:--

 

 _You’re a blessed child, Tobio_ he remembers his grandpa telling him.

 _Why?_ he remembers asking all those years ago.

 _Why_? Tobio thought to himself dimly, trapped in a sea of tubes and wires and medical personnel trying to keep his lungs from collapsing. His head was fuzzy and he could feel the surgeon slicing through his chest, the breathing mask digging somewhat in his cheeks, the numbness from the tips of his fingers to the points of his toes. His eyes were heavy and his throat dry. There were too many people surrounding him. Someone started carding through his hair gently, comfortingly. He looked up, forcing his eyes open against the glaring lights but all he could see was a pair of smiling eyes crinkling at the corners.

 _You have a guardian angel who watches over you,_ the old man had answered, hand warm on top of his head.

He fell back to sleep and saw _brownbrownbrown_ in his dreams.

 

***

 

He met Yuuko when he was eight years old.

It was a memory that stands out from the rest. He had just woken up from a long, long dream that he can’t remember and the first thing he saw was her. She wore a red vivid pants suit and her black hair was tied up in a high ponytail. Her eyes were a bright purple. She had smiled at him, enigmatic even when faced with a clueless kid. He had never met her before then, so he was surprised when she called him by his name.

“Tobio.”

He blinked at her, brain still fuzzy and eyes half-lidded.

“My name is Yuuko.”

He opened his mouth and asked her who she was and where his mom and grandma were with a raspy, unused voice.

“You’re in the hospital. Your guardians went out.” She replied quietly from her seat beside his bed, not really answering his questions.

Frowning, he looked around the sterile white walls and the machine steadily beeping at his side. He tried to sit up but winced as sharp pain lanced through his back all the way to his head. He collapsed back on the bed with heavy inhalations, blinking away the dark spots in his eyes.

“It’s best you not move around. You broke your back and almost cracked your head open.” Yuuko explained, looking at him curiously. It was weird and definitely made something nag at the back of his mind, but he didn’t back down. He stared back at her, gaze defiant and not the least bit intimidated. She smiled, delighted.

“Who are you?” he asked again, ignoring his mother’s voice scolding him for being rude at the back of his mind. She wasn’t here to know that he was being rude anyway, and he didn’t think the strange woman would tell her either.

“My my, you’ve got some spunk, kid.” The woman crowed, throwing her head back in a laugh. She calmed down after a moment and looked at him, grin in place.

“I haven’t met a little boy with such a hard scowl as you in a long time. You have character, such a nice change since we last met. I like it!” she proclaimed, reaching out to pat his head. He swiped at her hand.

“Who are you?” he repeated, his voice a little louder. He didn’t like her, couldn’t remember ever meeting her, didn’t like that his mother and grandmother weren’t here when he woke up, what he was doing in the hospital when the last thing he remembered was his grandpa—

His scowl intensified.

Yuuko settled back on her chair, one leg thrown onto the other, and flipped her hair. Her face was set in a neutral expression this time and Tobio shuffled uneasily.

“I’m a shopkeeper, and I’m here to fulfill my end of the bargain.”

“Shopkeeper?” he asked, confused. What was a shopkeeper doing here? Has his mother ordered stuff?

“Yes. 

“What do you sell?” Toys? He was too big for kiddy toys now. He’d already told his mom!

She gave him a smile.

“Wishes.”

“Wishes.” He repeated dubiously. Was she pulling his leg? He had known that Santa Claus wasn’t real for years now, after catching his grandpa sneaking his gifts under the Christmas tree and eating the plate of cookies they left at the coffee table one night. Could wishes even be sold?

“Yes. I grant any wish, for a price of same worth. Equivalent exchange, if you will.” She stated.

He gave her a disbelieving stare.

Her smile grew wider.

“You don’t have to believe me, kid. I’m just here to do what I got paid to do.” She said, standing up. Tobio’s eyes widened when he saw her full height. She was really tall! Even taller than his grandpa, and he was the tallest person he knew!

Had known.

Tobio pursed his lips.

Yuuko hummed, reaching behind her and pulling out a ball from somewhere. She threw it at him and he deftly caught it in hands, staring at it. He’d only ever used balls during his P.E class and he hadn’t seen this kind of ball yet.  It was the size of a basketball, but a bit lighter. It had weird coloring too. Instead of being orange, it was a mix of white and blue and orange.  He threw it up a bit. It was bouncier as well.

The feel of it in his hands was familiar, and he struggled to remember where he had even seen or used it but he couldn’t. He hugged it to his chest. He looked back at the strange woman.

“I was told to give it to you. And to tell you to ‘play and love it, play until you reach your potential, until you get sick of it, and to love it with everything you’ve got.’” She said, strolling towards the door.

“P-please wait!” he said frantically. She stopped and turned, her hand on the door knob. “Who…who told you to give this to me?”

She gazed at him for a moment, then finally said,

“’Don’t ask dumb questions, Tobio. We’ll meet soon enough’ was the final message.” And with that, she opened the door and left.

Tobio stared after her, dumbfounded.

Why couldn’t he remember?

 

***

 

Yuuko had been a constant presence in his life since then, always at his awareness’ periphery, flitting in and out whenever it suited her. Sometimes, she persuaded him to do some errands for her, like delivering some items to and from her clients, going all over the town at her whim, in exchange for her knowledge and company as she always claimed.

 _Bullshit_ , was his ready reply, but he always did as she told him to. He liked visiting her shop when he wasn’t busy with club activities, which was very rare. It was quiet and didn’t seem like a shop at all. There was an air of mystery and eeriness inside it, not helped out at all by the stuffy tobacco she liked to smoke. Sometimes people just went in out of the blue and a deal would be made but there was no money involved. Instead, various trinkets were exchanged, with varying worth, but Yuuko always seemed satisfied, if a little withdrawn, every time.

She had taught him a lot over the years, just little things, like how to block unwanted presences in his mind, or how to incapacitate if he had to. How truly useful and necessary rock salt was in his life and how to ignore some things he shouldn’t be seeing.

How to accept his curse and how to wield it to his advantage.

As a kid, he’d always been able to see things that weren’t supposed to be there, or real, for that matter. His mother, when he asked her at the age of five why his dad never talked or hugged him even though he was always around, had gone very pale.  His grandparents were immediately told, and he’d spent all night patiently listening to them explain why he could see weird things and they couldn’t.

Once he realized that he was different, it answered a lot of questions he’d never thought to ask at the time, having assumed they were normal. He was never a social kid, but it only served to make him withdraw even further. They spent the next few years trying to help him cope and he appreciated it as much as he could, but it hadn’t mattered to him anyway. They weren’t the ones who had to wake up in the middle of the night to a little ghost kid asking where the bathroom was or an old man suddenly appearing in the bathtub while he took his bath.

He cringed at the memory. Yeah, best leave that one alone. Forever.

Being psychic wasn’t all sunshine and rainbows, he’d seen bloody faces with a blank eye socket or a chunk of their cheek torn off staring at him as he walked around town or at the corner of his room at night. He’d heard their screams _ragehelplessgriefstoppleasepleaseno_ as he was eating lunch at school or while he was in class. He’d seen people being trailed by black shapes, wounding around their bodies and covering them, seen how they would die by their eyes, by the strange creatures writhing in and around them, getting ran down by a truck or a bus or a car, gunned down, knifed, beaten to a pulp and he’d learned to ignore them.

Death was natural, after all. You couldn’t stop it, delay it perhaps, but never stop it. Fate was a bitch who got her kicks by screwing people over and over when she wanted. The gods never stopped her, so who was he to get in the way of that? He was just a kid with the ability to see dead people and the weird shit that came with them. It wasn’t as big of a deal as some might think.

He’d already accepted his own death. What was important was that he’d gotten to play volleyball before then.

He looked down at the ball he’d been holding.

_We’ll see each other soon enough._

Closing his eyes, he took a deep breath and tossed.

 

***

 

 _There was a beautiful person sleeping by his side_ , was Tobio’s first realization upon waking up. The smell of the sterile room with its white walls, bright lights and the steady beeping by his bed was familiar enough that his brain had elected to ignore it in favor of said beautiful person.

They had long, curly orange hair, which would have led him to think that they were a girl but the person’s features had a sort of androgynous quality to them that made him suspend judgment for now, like the slightly defined jaw and cheeks. They had a small face, with a delicate button nose, long eyelashes quivering with sleep and pink lips slightly open to let out their quiet breaths.

Tobio was surprised at the strength of his urge to start petting them. He reigned himself in and settled for silently staring at them dazedly, his brain still too groggy to really register why a beautiful person would be in his hospital room, much less be sleeping a few inches away from him.

 _Was this a dream?_ he asked himself wonderingly, blinking languidly.

His fingers twitched from their place by the person’s head, and with a sigh, he gave in and reached towards the long hair. He started petting it lightly at first, marveling at how soft and silky it was, until he eventually couldn’t resist and started carding his fingers through it, feeling content.

He spent a few minutes indulging himself, toeing the line between sleep and wakefulness, listening to the quiet breaths of the person beside him, their warmth radiating to him.

The beautiful person suddenly sat up and Tobio recoiled, feeling his cheeks warm at being caught, the warm fuzziness disappearing at the realization of _what the hell he was doing_.

He watched the other person blink sleepily, rubbing their eyes, and immediately averted his gaze when they turned to him.

“You’re awake!” was the delighted pronunciation.

His hand was suddenly snatched back without even any say so and he felt his cheeks turn redder when it was _nuzzled._

What the fuck?

“H-hey—!” he attempted to protest when his breath was caught.

The person’s eyes were _brown_ , he realized as his heart hammered against his chest. Warm and luminous and pretty. They gazed at him softly, almost lovingly, and Tobio felt like his heart was going to explode out of his chest with how hard it was beating _oh god was that even normal was he having a cardiac arrest fuck_ —

They smiled, pink lips stretching up into a breathtaking smile.

_Oh fuck even their teeth are pretty I’m dead I’m gone—_

**Calm the fuck down, Tobio.**

Slowly, excruciatingly slowly, he willed his heart to slow down and his cheeks to cool off, inwardly reprimanding himself. What was even the matter with him? It wasn’t like this was the first time he’d encountered attractive people! He’d met Shimizu Kiyoko, for fuck’s sake! Why the hell was he getting so worked up?!

When he was sure, really sure, that he was able to talk without embarrassing himself, he asked the most pressing question in his mind.

“Who the fuck are you and what the fuck are you doing here?”

Suddenly his hand was dropped and the smile that had almost taken his life disappeared to be replaced by a scowl. It was still cute as all hell, fuck.

“Don’t be so vulgar, Tobio! And you’re being an asshole!” was the reply, the person’s voice oddly high pitched, but not enough to be considered feminine.

His eyebrows raised.

“How am I being an asshole when I asked a legitimate question?” he asked incredulously.

They frowned, eyebrows scrunching together. They looked disappointed, the shine in their eyes dimming.

“You still don’t remember?”

He narrowed his eyes at them. Did this mean they were connected to his missing memories? He looked at the person again, at their eyes, their nose, their cheeks, their lips and tried to remember. There was a memory and he tried to capture it but it got more elusive the harder he tried.

“No. Why?” he replied slowly.

They tilted their head, staring at him contemplatively, eyes intense as they searched his face. After a moment, they nodded decisively. Tobio watched them, wary, as they stood up and leaned towards him. With gentle hands, they grabbed his face in their hands.

“W-wait a min—!” he spluttered, face a dark red, trying not to shove them too hard as they slowly leaned in closer until they were nose to nose. Being this close, Tobio could see the flecks of gold scattered in their irises, highlighting their warm, honey color. His breath caught in his throat.

Warm, soft lips pressed against his own in a chaste kiss.

“ _Remember._ ”

 

***

< 

< 

<<<<rewind

 

***

 

Someone was perched on one of the branches of the old tree.

Tobio frowned. How did they even climb up there? The tree was really tall and you wouldn’t be able to climb it even with a ladder. He'd tried it before and all he got was a firm scolding from his grandmother after she’d caught him trying to drag the ladder out of the shed and towards the forest .

Curious, he walked closer until he was only a few meters away. He still couldn't see the person well enough to distinguish if they were a girl or a boy, but he noticed something weird about them. They were wearing a thick cloak, like the ones he'd seen in that American show his mother liked to watch sometimes. The cloak really covered them and it was black too, like the sky at night when there were no stars. It was weird because the blackness seemed to _move_ , like the cloth was stretching bigger and bigger the longer he stared.  He took a step forward.

Suddenly, there was an explosion of feathers, _black_ feathers, and loud cawing rang around him. The figure turned and Tobio saw their face and—

_Remember, remember, remember._

 

***

 

“What’s your name?” The beautiful boy (girl?) asked, brown (gold?) eyes wide in curiosity.

“Tobio. Kageyama Tobio.”

He was given a breath taking smile as his (her?) eyes curved mischievously (why?). They looked the same age as him, if not younger. Their black cloak was gone (how had that happened?) and he could see the flutter of their long orange hair, the slenderness of their figure, small and dainty in a way that girls’ bodies usually were, but the strong shoulders and the way they stood on the branch without fear confused him.

“What about you?” Tobio dared to ask, heart beating too hard against his chest, cheeks hot and red.

They tilted their head, expression turning contemplative.

“What do you think?” was the question thrown back at him.

He furrowed his brows, thinking, staring at them and meeting those eyes (his grandmother would have said they had straightforward eyes, but Tobio didn’t know what straightforward meant at eight years old). He saw the way the sun hit their hair and made it seem brighter, the way the blue sky made them look like they were glowing, a faint light enveloping them, shimmering, and he thought of the sunflowers his mother grew by the kitchen window, patiently watering them every day, until they’d grown so big she had to plant them in the backyard instead, where the sun always seemed to hit and the soil was rich, and how she’d told him that sunflowers would always face the sun because they thrived under it, _from_ it.

He thought of the flowers that had started so small, seeds, and how they’d grown, petals in full bloom, like arms stretched wide open.

“Hinata.”

The grin he got was like the sun shining directly at his face, but his eyes didn’t hurt, didn’t water, and all he wanted to do was to stare and stare and stare.

 

***

 

His first death had happened that day. Hinata hadn’t wanted to come down, and Tobio had wanted to talk to them a little longer and didn’t want to constantly crane his neck to look at them, so he’d climbed up, little arms struggling to pull his body weight up and up, until he’d slipped.

He remembered, as he fell down, suddenly seeing a clock in front of him counting down seconds, the expression of sadness in Hinata’s face as they watched unmoving, eyes dimmed and mouth pulled down, and as his head hit the ground with a sharp crack, he’d thought that sunflowers were meant to shine and Hinata was meant to smile and he had never wanted to be the reason why they stopped.

 

***

 

The second death was when he was eleven years old and sick of seeing dead people at every corner of rooms and streets and the corners of his eyes, the emptiness in his head where something precious should have been. Their screams and weeping and rage and the _empty grief_ rang in his ears constantly, and maybe that was why he’d never heard the footsteps behind him, never noticed the bright glint of a knife as it swung towards him, the gasps and shouts as his body crumpled to the ground and blood bled into the gray cement.

He remembered seeing a black cloaked figure among the people surrounding him, remembered the feel of warm fingers on his cheek, his forehead, and the bright glow of brown eyes staring into his own as they said—

“I’m so sorry.”

 

***

 

There were in betweens, in his deaths. Between the Befores and Afters. Tobio thought it must be what they’d called Purgatory, in the west. Not Heaven, nor Hell. The Nowhere Land.

This was where he usually met Hinata.

 

***

 

After his first death, he’d woken up again in the same forest, lying in the grass underneath the elder tree and Hinata peering at him from above, still perched in one of the branches and face blank. He sat up, rubbing the back of his head gingerly. It was not wet, it didn’t hurt. He looked up at Hinata.

“W-what happened? Didn’t I fall?”

Hinata shrugged, jumping and landing gracefully beside him. Their cloak was around them again, obscuring their form. There was a crow perched on their shoulder, staring at Tobio with its black, beady eye. Tobio stared back.

“You did fall,” Hinata said after a lengthy pause. They reached up to scratch the crow under its beak.

“But I’m not hurting anywhere.” He said, confused. He should’ve had something broken in his body, he should’ve been dead, like his grandpa.

Hinata turned back to him.

“You’re dead. Right now you’re in an ambulance, with your mother and grandmother at your side, grieving. You took your last breath a few moments ago.”

He frowned, not believing them. What was he doing here then, if he was dead, if he was in an ambulance? Where were his mom and grandma? He felt fine!

“You’re lying!” he accused. “Why would I be back here, then?”

Hinata hummed for a moment, thoughtful, then nodded decisively. They straightened and with a flick of a wrist, the clear blue sky and the surrounding forest faded away. Suddenly, they were in an ambulance and Tobio stared at his own body lying on the bed, his mom crying and his grandmother pale-faced as she tried to pull his mom away from him enough so the paramedic could take his pulse. The pillow underneath his head was bloody and he couldn’t see his chest rising up and down.

Shocked, he turned his gaze away and looked at Hinata instead. They were gazing at his grieving family, expressionless, almost like they were bored. They looked at him.

“See? I wasn’t lying.” They said, lips turned down, as if that was the real issue here.

“I’m dead.” He stated, unable to believe it. Had his grandpa experienced this too? Looked at his own still body and the people gathered around it in mourning? Was this what being dead was really like?

“Well…you are, right now. You won’t be, if you answer my question right.” Hinata quipped, twirling a strand of orange hair around their pointer finger. They smirked and Tobio was reminded of the foxes he occasionally saw in the forest during winter.

“W-what is it?” He asked nervously. It wasn’t something about English, right? It was his worst subject, after all.

Hinata’s eyes were wide, piercing. He took an involuntary step back.

“Do you want to live?”

Tobio frowned. What—that’s it?!

“Of course I do! That’s like asking if I want to eat when I’m hungry! What a stupid question!”

They laughed and it was a bell-like sound, high and delicate.

“Mm, that’s right. But you need to give me something of yours, first. This is an equivalent exchange, after all.”

“Well, what is it, then? Tell me already! I need to make my mom stop crying—I promised I wouldn’t make her cry anymore.”

Hinata took a step closer, face inching closer, and laid a small hand against his chest. He could feel their breath against his cheek as they whispered in his ear, hot and too close,

“Your heart.”

 

***

 

The paramedic was pressing a set of iron-like things to his chest, causing his body to flop like a fish out of water for a second. The paramedic repeated the process until there was a steady beeping noise from one of the machines. There was a shocked silence as his pulse was taken again and his mother started crying when the paramedic nodded to her, smiling in relief.  His grandmother turned to them.

Tobio froze.

“Is this how it starts?” she whispered, staring intensely at Hinata. “My grandson would’ve been better off dead.”

Hinata grinned, the edges sharp and dangerous. Tobio shuffled uneasily, the words _it’s yours_ from a moment ago tasting bitter in his mouth.

 

***

 

 _Death is a permanent thing, Tobio_ , he remembered his grandmother saying one morning years and years ago, a day after their little family became even smaller, staring at his grandpa’s photo in the altar, the smell of incense in the air making him wrinkle his nose. _Humans, when they die, aren’t meant to come back._

 _What happens if they do?_ He had asked, heart hurting at the thought of never seeing his grandpa ever again.

His grandmother stood up and gazed at him, looking far older than she really was, the sunlight streaming through the gap from the shoji doors highlighting her silver hair, the deep wrinkles in her forehead, her eyes, her mouth.

_They’re not humans anymore._

 

***

 

**Author's Note:**

> *This is part one of two chapters. The second one is currently in the works, although don't expect it soon. 
> 
> **If anyone's interested, the song at the beginning is [Zero by Bump of Chicken](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wwEcmNtz8Ps). It's from the game Final Fantasy Type-0, which I recommend for everyone to play. It was my initial inspiration for this whole fic.
> 
> ***ALSO AO3'S FORMATTING SYSTEM SUCKS ASS. WHY BABY WHY
> 
> ****If anyone has questions, here's my [tumblr](http://hopelessdorksinlove.tumblr.com/).


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